Saturday, January 1, 2022
Walking beside you on this journey that imposed on your life... Watching you endure test after test, treatment after treatment, blood draw after blood draw, the countless emesis bags... Watching you go from fit and healthy to terribly sick, then back to a taste of healthy and finally to terminally sick... Hearing the cries and moans of all-encompassing pain... Oh how I wished and prayed and cried to take it all away from you. What I witnessed through nearly two years was a woman with incredible strength. My sister was a true warrior. You suffered pain and agony that would crumble most people, yet you persevered. I was supposed to feel relief when you were finally called to your heavenly home. I was supposed to be happy that you were free and whole. No more pain-- that's what we all wanted for you. Instead, my head swirls with questions, unable to understand any of this. Why her? Why only 2 more years with her when the odds were in her favor? I ache for my sister. My heart feels permanently broken. My soul is left with a hole in the shape of you-- my fun sister, my sister who loved to dance, my sister with a gentle spirit, my hard-working sister, my sister who was a great friend to many. You were dealt a number of crummy hands in this life, and just like you did with Multiple Myeloma, you faced them all and took them in stride. You persevered. I'm supposed to just trust in God and be joyful at your reunion with loved ones passed. And there are moments that I do and I am. But on this day I can't stop thinking about the "no mores" and the unfairness of it all. I have two hopes for peace: time and Christ. I pray you hear me as I talk to you in my thoughts. I pray you visit me when you can. I pray you are always near them as your children carry on. I pray I feel you in the whispers of the river and in the swaying of pine trees. I ache for my sister. I love you so much.
